A Haunted House Review Jan 27, 2013 19:15:18 GMT -5
Post by Mr.HoRrOr on Jan 27, 2013 19:15:18 GMT -5
Plot:Malcolm and Kisha move into their dream home, but soon learn a demon also resides there. When Kisha becomes possessed, Malcolm - determined to keep his sex life on track - turns to a priest, a psychic, and a team of ghost-busters for help.
My Thoughts:This is a horror COMEDY?
Review:I dreaded entering the theater to see "A Haunted House". I mean, I have not felt this kind of dread since I had to go see "Twilight:Breaking Dawn Part 2" last November. But I dreaded going in to see this film because I knew it was going to be 'exactly' like "Scary Movie". And LO and BEHOLD...it WAS...'exactly' like "Scary Movie"! Look, I am over "Scary Movie" in general. As a film and a franchise. Yes it was funny, so was part 2. But that was almost a decade and a half ago.
When are the Wayans gonna figure out that, this sort of comedy isn't funny anymore. Because those of us who were 17 back then, are over 21 now. Yet they still don't seem to get it. But I have a different theory about why this movie was made. I think it was made for two reasons. None of which was the studio thinking they could have a successful franchise here with any longevity. Reason (or theory 1)? "A Haunted House" was made to usher in "Scary Movie 5" this Spring.
It plants that 'horror comedy spoof' seed, so when "Scary Movie 5" starts running tv spots, people can already have been "massaged" into seeing it because they've seen "A Haunted House". Theory #2? It was made to cash in on spoofing "Paranormal Activity" as a franchise. Just like "Scary Movie" capitalized on spoofing "Scream" as a franchise. "Scream", was the big 90's horror franchise. "Paranormal Activity" is the big franchise for the 2000's after "Saw". Whether either theory is true. Both, or a little bit of both. It doesn't change the fact that this is NOT a funny movie. It's a HORRIBLE-HORROR-COMEDY. For that reason, it's been the worst movie money I've spent so far this year. The film deals with a Black American couple Malcolm (Wayans), and Kisha (Atkins).
Who move into a new house, and discover it's haunted. They find this out through a series of strange occurances, but apparently are too dumb to notice any of it or to move. And that's this films magic bullet to why white people in horror movies, aren't smart enough to notice their house is haunted. In this film, the black couple aren't smart enough to notice it either. But that's not because they are naive or don't "believe". It's because they're too busy with their own stuff, like arguing or cracking jokes about one another to notice the house is haunted. And even when they end up having a suspicion it might be, the wife of course has it first before the husband does.
So it's only a matter of time before she becomes demonically possessed, thanks to his unawareness. As things unfold, we are introduced to a gaggle of "unfunny" and "cliche" characters. Who make an already bad idea, and bad movie even worse. Including David Koechner as a 'comedically racist' ghost hunter/repairman. Cedric The Entertainer as a Priest with some very "personal", "personal problems", and Malcolm's "gangster cousins" who all dress alike and spout profanities like they're going out of style. A far cry from the actually funny cast of characters introduced in the early bits of the "Scary Movie" franchise. I think even the Wayans know they're getting too old for this stuff. They're losing their touch. Well, at least Marlon is.
When Kisha eventually is "possessed", it's about as funny, interesting, and entertaining as this movie gets to be honest. You could sleep through the whole thing up until the final 25 minutes. Watch that part wide awake, and then fell fulfilled leaving the theater. Matter of fact, you might wanna try that because everything before the final 25 is some of the worst horror-comedy I've seen put on display in a long time. This movie also makes me see how the horror/comedy genre is suffering. Before ''A Haunted House", we had ''Vampires Suck", and "Transylmania" before that.
Both films were utter garbage. The former being the worst of the two and even though ''A Haunted House" was laughably bad, it was not nearly as "Vampires Suck". I mean Marlon and Essence can actually act. They just need to step their game up from films like "A Haunted House" to better material. But with all the crude bodily functions jokes, sex jokes, and outright flat comedy involved here. And rehashed stuff that I laughed at when I was like, 14..."A Haunted House" felt like a horror film where all involved just became involved so they could put a down payment or final payment on a new...HOUSE.
That we hope for our sakes isn't haunted. Because if it is, they'll be back with ''A Haunted House II"! Where they need more of our hard-earned money to move out of their currently "haunted" house, and into a new one! That isn't haunted! If you're into this sort of comedy, ya know....crude, disgusting, juvenile, no real effort whatsoever? You'd be hard up to find a better time at the movies than "A Haunted House". If on the other hand you're not though, might really wanna skip this one.
THE GOOD:The final 15 minutes are somewhat entertaining.
THE BAD:This particular "brand" of horror-comedy isn't funny anymore. It's no longer beating a dead horse. It's beating a horse that's dead, been set on fire, and then run down with a steam roller!
OVERALL:One star out of four.